Sry I called you an 8
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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