normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
