Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
