I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
