the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
