we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize