If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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