I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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