"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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