saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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