yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
