i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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