i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
