Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
