I like to think it a success when the cops are called
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
