he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
