After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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