I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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