This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize