my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
