I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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