he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
