They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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