:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
