he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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