My sheets look like a crime scene.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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