Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
