The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
