Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
