I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize