my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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