you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
