Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
