I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude i'm inner monologue high
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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