so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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