god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize