I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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