I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
