I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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