Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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