I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
