"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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