Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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