made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
