..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
