my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize