we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
