i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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