Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
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The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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