me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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