P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
