Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
