Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
