Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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