she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
