you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
