I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
