new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
