We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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