dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
