my shit smells like andre
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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