she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
two words...techno handjob
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
