Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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