btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Duck Duck Cougar?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How naked do you want me to be?
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