She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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