Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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