omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
