I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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