I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize