I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
